Due Date

Yep, that's right. Today was Curly Q's due date. Tomorrow she will be 10 weeks old. I have mixed emotions about this day. Ten weeks ago, the NICU staff told us to tentatively plan on her expected come home date as her due date. I thought in my mind that 10 weeks was so long, Curly Q would be home long before that. Here we are on her due date and she isn't even close to coming home. Curly Q has made some progress (see previous post), but there are so many steps that she still needs to take before she comes home.

The last several weeks, I've noticed my attitude shifting. I've felt a lot more frustrated. I found myself several times a day saying that Curly Q was "never" coming home. This was compounded by the fact that everyone always asks "So, when is she coming home?" or "I thought you said the end of March. Why isn't she home yet?" I honestly appreciate everyone asking how we and Curly Q are doing, but I sometimes need to bite my tongue to prevent from screaming "I don't know when she's coming home!" The last 10 weeks have been very emotionally taxing on me. I personally think it is more difficult on me than when I was in the hospital.

Last night, I was at Curly Q's bedside holding her against my chest. She was completely relaxed and sleeping while I rocked her. I was overcome with a feeling of gratitude for this little baby. I have forgotten how lucky we were in this whole ordeal. There was a very real possibility that I was going to lose the baby. Then even after she was born, there were tons and tons of risks of things that could go wrong. And she seems completely healthy except for underdeveloped lungs. I have spent too much time with being negative and frustrated that I have forgotten to feel grateful. So last night, as I rocked my baby, I felt so grateful that this baby was protected and looked after, that our prayers were answered. So, my new goal is to be grateful Curly Q is in a fantastic facility with experienced doctors and nurses taking care of her. I need to stop focusing on time and be grateful she's doing as well as she is.

Curly Q is now weighing in at 7 pounds 4 ounces and is 19.5 inches long. The doctors and nurses always comment on how big she is. She is a happy baby, but when something is wrong, she lets you know. One of the nurses called her a Princess that often sends them looking for the little pea hiding underneath stacks of mattresses. I'm glad she has that feisty side that lets them know something isn't right. She is still fairly stable on breathing. She is still on a high flow nasal cannula with an oxygen pressure of 4, instead of 3. They're going to try to wean her back down to 3 sometime this week. They've started the transition of putting some milk in her stomach instead of only in her intestines. Hopefully things are healed from her acid reflux and hopefully she doesn't breathe any into her lungs. They are monitoring her closely as they slowly transition. Overall, she's such a sweet girl. Yesterday afternoon as I was holding her, she was smiling most of the time. Of course she was sleeping, but it was so sweet to see her happy. She's been through a lot for such a small baby.