My MTC

I've come up with a little analogy of my hospital stay. I've told people, and they think I'm crazy, but it helps me feel better about the whole thing. Being in the hospital feels like my MTC stay. In several cases, this seems better than the MTC!

• Now, several (several) years ago, I entered the MTC on December 3. It's the same time of year.


• In the MTC, you are in Provo, but unable to go anywhere. Same here, I look out my window and see all of civilization, but I am unable to go anywhere.


• The cafeteria isn't bad the first week, but I anticipate getting tired of it, like I did the MTC food. Except here, I can choose what I want to eat!


• I spent Christmas in the MTC. We made a paper tree and taped it to our wall and opened presents and it was an awesome experience. This year, I even have a little tree in my room and I will be able to spend it with my family!


• I get to spend my hospital stay in my pajamas instead of nylons!


• In the MTC, I spent hour after hour, day after day, in a little room with no windows, just reading and studying. Not much physical activity. Here in the hospital, I can still read or study all day, but I get a whole wall of windows with a beautiful view of the mountains.

Anyway, this is kind of silly, but it helps me. I not only survived the MTC, but enjoyed it. It is what I was called to do, and the sacrifice of serving a mission was so worth it. Just like this experience, this is what I'm required to do. And it will be worth it. Something that I've discovered since becoming a mother is that my life no longer belongs to me. I live and breathe to take care of Little Miss. And since I've become pregnant, my body is no longer my own. I will do whatever is necessary to keep this new baby girl safe. It's a sacrifice that I'm not only willing to make, but am happy to make.

Crash of Reality

One full week down. Hooray! Once again, no changes, which is fantastic! The nurses have been so nice and helpful. They check, several times a day, my temperature, my blood pressure and ask if I have any pains. And so far, every time it looks good. I am so thankful for that, and I pray that it will continue like that for the next 10 weeks. Yesterday, the on call Doc came in to check on me and mentioned that they just delivered twins where the sac had ruptured early. And the twins weren't going to make it. They were only 21 weeks. So sad and tragic. That easily could have been my story last week when I came in to the hospital with ruptured membranes. How grateful I am that I still am pregnant with this sweet baby girl. Hearing this tragic experience, just reminds me how fragile this situation is. And my stable, going-good status can change in a heartbeat. Let's hope and pray it doesn't!

Wheelchair Rides

That's right, I've earned a wheelchair ride everyday! They mentioned it earlier in the week, that as soon as I'm really stable, I'll be able to take a wheelchair ride everyday. And this morning when I was talking with the Doc, he said I could start. Yay! What a simple thing to get excited over, but that's okay. I'm stable which is fantastic news. And I get to get out of my hospital room once a day. They said I could even go outside and get fresh air. Hooray!

Why is this Happening?

This is a fantastic question, and we might have an answer. First of all, this happened with my first pregnancy too. I was 35 weeks pregnant when my water broke (not a gush, just a trickle) and I didn't go into labor, they induced me. However, at 35 weeks, Little Miss was completely healthy. She weighed 6 lbs 7 oz and came home with me. So, I didn't think much of it. I thought she was just ready to come, so she came. So, the fact that this is happening again (only much earlier) is kind of a concern. As I talked to one of the specialists, she told me there are certain risk factors that cause a premature rupture of membranes: 1) Smoking. (definitely not that) 2) Steroid Use (nope) and 3) abnormalities in uterus (check).

When Little Miss was born, they discovered that I had a septum in my uterus. The top of my uterus has a little wall, kind of like a heart shaped uterus. Before I became pregnant the second time around, I made doctors appointments and had tests done to check out what this meant for future pregnancies. We were trying to be responsible about it. With all the info we received, we decided that since I hadn't had any miscarriages and had a successful pregnancy already, that we shouldn't get it taken care of. We knew it might cause miscarriages, sometimes early labor, and C-Section (instead of Vaginal births). So with those risks, we decided to just try. Plus there were risks that if we got it taken care of, it could prevent pregnancy. We definitely didn't realize that this could be one of the possible outcomes.

I think about what would have happened if we had it taken care of before, and it tragically turned into a hysterectomy. We wouldn't have this baby girl in our family. So if she can hold on and I can hold on, then it will turn out okay.

What's New?

Everyone always asks with concern, "Any new news today?" and I happily tell them "NO!". For every day that nothing changes, that means I am staying stable and Baby Girl is staying put. This is excellent news. No signs of infection. No contractions. Baby's heart rate is strong and healthy. Let's just hope and pray that it stays that way for a very long time.

Then the next question is "So, what do you do all day?" That's an excellent question, and I'm just beginning to know the answer to this. The first several days were busy with tests, doctors, specialist consults and crying. That was followed by a few days of constant visitors. Family members, friends and neighbors filtered in as they heard that I was here. Little Miss has been able to come and visit for several hours most days which is wonderful. It's soo nice to have her close to me.

I have plenty to do. I have tons of books to read and puzzles to complete and movies to watch. And so far, it's not driving me crazy at all. Only 5 days down, over 10 weeks to go. We can do this!

Uncontrollable Crying

Pregnancy for me usually equals an overload of hormones which usually leads to crying for no reason. Often times I just couldn't keep myself from crying for absolutely no reason at all. Well, I've had plenty of good reasons to cry since Saturday night, and sometimes I simply cannot control it or stop it. I honestly got to the point where I was surprised that there were still tears, I thought for sure I had run out.

On Monday morning, during my breakfast, I listened to a recent general conference talk by Elder Carl B Cook of the Seventy. He said, "Experience has taught me that if we, like President Monson, exercise our faith and look to God for help, we will not be overwhelmed with the burdens of this life. We will not feel incapable of doing what we are called to do or need to do. We will be strengthened and our lives will be filled with peace and joy. We will come to realize that most of what we worry about is not of eternal significance - and if it is, the Lord will help us. But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction." Well, on turned the water works AGAIN, as I realized that what I was dealing with was of eternal significance, and I knew that the Lord would help us. Whether this sweet baby girl gets to continue to grow and develop and have a mortal life now, or whether we get to raise this girl in the next life is completely up to the Lord, and I just need to have faith.

On Tuesday morning, I watched Elder Neil L Andersen's general conference talk and he said "Where is your faith?" I need to remind myself where I do put my faith.

With these reminders and the Lord's help, I feel a lot more confident with what I am required to do to have a healthier baby. So, I need to stay in bed for 11 weeks. I don't cry about it anymore. I know that things will work out they way the Lord will have it. And it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the safety of my daughter.

Monday's Tests

Since we were admitted over the weekend, a few things needed to wait until Monday to get accomplished. One of which was to talk to my doctor. He was out of town over the weekend, and I had just met with an on-call doctor. By this point, he didn't have any new news. The courses of intense antibiotics should continue. Considering everything goes well (ie no contractions or infections) then he won't give the green light to come off of bed rest until I reach 34 weeks. Grand total of 11 weeks in bed. But that's okay, because that means this Baby Girl will be a lot more ready to come into this world then.

They also gave me an ultrasound and had me meet with some perio-something-specialist. This was another rush of the realistic complications that are present. This isn't an ideal pregnancy and the possibilities of a horrible outcome are very real. The baby had dropped. Her head is sooo low they couldn't see it on the ultrasound. One of the nurses pointed out that this might be a good thing. She can use her noggin kind of like a cork, keeping more fluid inside.

They also measured the amount of amniotic fluid. They said a normal level is 10-20. Mine was measuring at 4.5. Low. But there still is some fluid. Some possible complications of lack of fluid consist of affecting lung development and leg, arm, and joint development. Without enough fluid, the baby doesn't learn to breathe and so her lungs don't learn to work properly. And if there isn't enough fluid for the baby to move, her arms and legs won't work properly. And honestly, the only way to really know is to wait until the baby is born. The placenta and baby's urine produces more fluid, which is promising. The only way to know at what rate I'm loosing fluid compared to the fluid that is being produced is monitored by ultrasound over the upcoming weeks.

One of the highlights was that Morgan and Little Miss spent a huge portion of the day with me. Little Miss makes herself at home and climbs into bed with me and just cuddles with me and 'hugs' baby sister. When it was bed time and time for them to go home, it broke my heart to have Little Miss cry and say she didn't want to leave mommy. I don't ever want her to leave either.